Boy meets Girl, Girl already has Boyfriend...

So what is Boy to do?

Pursue, pursue, pursue.

So here's the scenario. You're a nice guy, a Gentleman, and you meet a really nice girl, a Lady in every regard. She's bright, funny, charming, and attractive in every way.

You'd be perfect together. Your conversation flows effortlessly. There's the right combination of ease and tension that you feel you could discuss the deepest of topics (and probably have) all the while her playful jabs keep you on your toes. She shares just enough similar interests that you never run out of things to talk about, but you're different enough that you both keep introducing new things into each other's worlds. There's even a slight spark, a physical chemistry you try not to notice when you give a friendly hug goodbye. She's your friend after all - and she's taken.

You're a nice guy, so your instinct is to hold back, silently disguising your true interest. Maybe you even convince yourself for whatever reason that she's not really the girl for you. It's not your style to step on another man's toes either. You'd never think to create problems or cause drama.

Here's the deal though. This other guy, he's probably a douche-bag. And even if he isn't a douche-bag he's probably not everything she's looking for.

Woman (and men) tend to maintain relationships well beyond their expiration date. They get comfortable. They don't want to be alone. They convince themselves that they can deal with the negative aspects of a relationship because they'd rather not bother with the uncertainty of moving on. Sometimes they even stop believing that there's someone more compatible out there - and even if there was they'd probably not be interested.

In short, they get stuck with Mr. Not-Quite-Right because Mr. Right doesn't ever seem to come along.

Well guess what. Mr. Right hasn't come by because Mr. Right is a Gentleman. And like you, he doesn't go around hitting on another man's woman.

We need to fix this. Chances are she's not going to leave Mr. Not-Quite-Right until someone else shows up and shows interest. Help her out. Don't let that next guy be another Mr. Not-Quite-Right instead of you.

So what do you do? Be direct. Lay your cards on the table. Let her know she's on your mind. Be a complete Gentleman and don't cross any relational lines that could get you in trouble. Instead drop a comment or two and then gracefully return to normal conversation.

Tell her, confidently and comfortably, that she's quite the catch (a compliment everyone likes) and that if she were single you'd have no hesitation asking her on a date, but of course you couldn't do that while she's with someone else because you're not that kind of guy. The end.

Don't drag it on, don't push, and don't even bring it up again either. Just plant the seed and see if the tree grows.

If she's really your friend and you're a genuinely nice guy she'll take it as a compliment and that's that. If somewhere inside she harbors a certain interest and a dissatisfaction with the guy she's with, she'll think of you. She'll know you're an option should things change.

You can't force anything to happen, and that's not your style anyway. But at least this way she knows a knight in shining armor is waiting, but let her determine if she needs rescue or not first.

The Gentleman

There is a disconnect in our society between our perception of men and real people.

Sure, everybody works with the guy who talks about the latest hottie he hooked up with seemingly every weekend, or the bitter middle aged married woman who dreads returning to her husband each night. All men are pigs, right?

We're worthless. We only think of sex, and sports, and how to ditch out on the ol' battle-axe to hit the bars with our buddies.

We have more in common with Peter Griffin than... wait... can you even think of a positive husband/father figure in the media? If we're married then we're selfish bumbling bastards, if single we're always gunning to chalk up another score on our ever-increasing list. We're men - barely more than walking penis', right?

But lets be honest. This is an overly simple estimation of the male gender. There is an antithesis to the testosterone Neanderthal just described.

The Gentleman.

He's gone out of fashion as of late. Often labeled with the weak and emasculating expression "the nice guy," but he is no less of a man - and with the right knowledge and experience he has the potential to become quite potent indeed.

Sometimes he begins his journey unaware of his true strengths, ignorant of the ways of women, and full of good intentions that never quite pan out. Sometimes he masquerades as the Neanderthal, thinking this to be the best path, all the while unaware he's sewing seeds of his own unhappiness.

This blog is a handbook for all men to maximize their potential, to succeed in relationships, and to take on the general betterment of themselves.

Please join us in this journey.

-J. Eliot