Fashion is Essential for the Gentleman

The Gentleman would not be complete without the knowledge of how to look good when presenting himself.  

So here's a little secret. You can find all sorts of things on reddit.com, but for the Gentleman's interests there are few subreddits more valuable than MaleFashionAdvice and MensFashionAdvice.

Here's a handy guide to suits, because we all know that a Gentleman is not complete without the perfect suit.

-J Eliot

lookin' good, Gents

It's the little things.

It still surprises me every time someone discovers kindness and finds it unexpected.

Let me explain.

As a gentleman there are small things you work into your identity over time - opening doors for people (not just women); responding to the cashier's, "Have a good day" with a genuine, "You too!"; or even offering to drive.

In general when my girlfriend and I head out on the town I've established that we'll take my car and that I'll drive. Please note that this isn't any sort of control issue, or critique of her driving, but a simple courtesy. The idea is that 1) she'd rather not have to deal with traffic and 2) the wear on my vehicle and cost of gas is something I'd willingly contribute to the relationship. It's a small price to pay for her admiration.

So, we've been together for a while now and I'm very much used to just driving regardless of the situation. This last weekend she invited her girlfriend to come out with us for the day. This was a decision she made without me because her friend was without family for the holiday, which wasn't a problem at all. So I picked them both up and we headed off to our plans.

I think I did a total of about 3 1/2 hours of driving, a few hundred miles, and most of a tank of gas. Upon exiting the car when we finally got back she said in a very sincere tone, "Wow. Thanks so much for driving and letting me join you guys."

Now this is a little thing, but the idea remains that she didn't just thank me for letting her join us for the day. She thanked me for driving.

This wasn't even on my radar and I had no need for a thank you, but in some small way it impressed her that I'd take the time to drive and make things easier for her.

My girlfriend then responded about how I always drive and how much she likes it. You know you're doing something right when they tell their friends about it, even when it's the little things.

-J.Eliot

they add up

Proposing for Marriage

I've put up an article here at eHow about proposing for marriage.

It's a nice and quick read and might help some of you gents out.

In a nutshell the best advice is to go beyond her expectations and make it a good and memorable story. Believe me, she'll be retelling it.

A lot.

So make it good.

-JEliot

all the best to ye gents

Yours truly on eHow.com

Have you heard of eHow.com? It's a handy little site with "How to" articles written by staff and volunteers that cover almost every topic you could imagine.

Deciding to join the riff-raff I've thrown down some nouns and verbs and joined the ranks of regular guy writing how to articles about stuff I know. I figured it was a good fit.

I'm about 7 articles deep as of this week. They're all quick reads and could be handy.

Check my little part of the eHow world out here and maybe even give a few searches of your own a try. Let me know what you think.

-JE

...you might like my zombie article...

How To Be A Complete Douchebag in Ten Easy Steps (or how not to be a gentleman)

1) Be Selfish.

2) Treat women like objects.

3) Refuse to smile but laugh way too loud at lewd jokes.

4) Be Selfish.

5) Make sure the hair is always high, the collar always popped, the bling is always plentiful, and the tan always fake.

6) Be uncomfortable with every emotion other than anger and then use it to cover up your insecurities.

7) Be Selfish.

8) Perceive every other male in the room at a threat, and then get in their face.

9) Be extremely homophobic, but spend more time with your boys pumping iron and admiring your male bodies than is natural for any heterosexual male.

10) Be selfish, constantly.

Oh, and bonus: Be selfish.

-J. Eliot

feel free to comment with your own

How to determine if she has a boyfriend.

While perusing the referrer list from Google.com today I noticed that a number of people were somehow directed to my blog with the search "determining if girl has boyfriend."

My first thought was, "How odd..." Soon followed by, "Actually, that's a good question." And after a little mental juggling and an "ah-ha" moment (not the band...) I decided I simply must post.

It seems to me that there is a simple 2 step checklist, or maybe even a flow chart, if you will, that will guide you to your goal in determining the singular (or dual???) nature of a potential prospect.

Step 1: Determine if she is attractive. Yes, this is an actual step and I'll tell you why. Attractive girls, and I mean truly attractive girls - the ones that catch every guy's eye as they walk into the room - are never, let me repeat, never actually single - ever. So is she really really smoking hot? Yes? Then yes, she is taken. She might not say she is, and could swear up and down that she's not seeing anyone, but that simply isn't true. All this means is, "Well, I know I shouldn't be with (Insert douchebag name here) anymore but I get lonely sometimes..." And you can fill in the rest.

Basically these types of women are either, in Facebook terms, "In a Relationship" or "It's complicated." This isn't necessarily a bad thing because "It's complicated" means there's an opening... there's room for improvement. And if you can stick your foot in the door at just the right time you might get in.

Oh, and don't worry about trying to determine which stage she's in. If she's having relationship issues, you'll know. Girls like this love to talk about why Mr. Douchebag made them unhappy this time and you should be able to pick up on that.

Ok, so what if she's not the really really hot type? What if she's just a regular, yet still attractive girl? Move to Step Two.

Step 2: Determine if she's a good girl or a bad girl. This isn't too difficult either. Either she's overtly sexualizing every attractive (or maybe unattractive) guy around her or she's not. The real trick lies in determining if she's a secret bad girl.

So lets take a step back. You're a gentleman right? That's why you're visiting my blog, I assume. You're not interested in the bad girl. Believe me, that will only end terribly - either by you cheating yourself by loosening your morals, or by forcing a long term relationship where one doesn't belong. So the real question is: Is she a good girl or a bad girl pretending to be a good girl? This we will come back to.

For now, we will assume she's a good girl. In this case she's probably a very nice person and you will want to start up a conversation, which shouldn't be that hard. (If she doesn't meet these basic criteria, back away anway... who wants someone hard to talk to, or unkind anyway?) Within the conversation there are several ways to breach the subject of relationships. Tell a story (not too revealing) about a past ex and see if they reveal anything. Get to know a friend and maybe they'll let you in on the girls status (and if they offer the info for you then you know there is some interest already). Or just come right out and ask.

There's no fowl in just asking (after breaching the conversation barrier and establishing that she feels comfortable), and strangely enough most girls don't put two and two together that the reason you're asking is because you're interested. They begin to suspect it, but will rarely believe it outright. Unless they're afraid of you and then they'll readily jump to this conclusion. But if they like you at all there will be part of them that holds onto doubts in order to keep their hopes from getting too high.

But what about the bad girls that pretend to be good girls? Well that, my friend, is a whole other topic. This might actually be a good thing as long as they're not too bad. A little crazy is fun (and part of the female mystique), but too much crazy is no good.

Maybe we'll touch on this more in the future. Until then, start up some conversations and keep your morals sharp. And as always, questions and comments are welcome.

-J. Eliot

maybe I'm crazy

Hot Chicks with Douchebags

Here's my favorite new blog: Hot Chicks with Douchebags

This guy is a genius. I don't know where he gets the pictures and his commentary is hilarious. He does a good job updating every day and even has an annual "Douchies" award.

This is a very good example of what not to be... and if you happen to notice a picture of yourself on his blog, guess what...

Douche-Bags & Bitches

My girlfriend and I had a conversation last night that went something like this:

Me: I have a hard time imagining being a woman and being attracted to men.

Her: Yeah?

Me: Yeah, not that I can't tell which men are more attractive to women, or why, I just think I'd have extremely high standards.

Her: Why's that?

Me: Because most guys are douche-bags.

Her: Well, most girls are bitches.

Me: True, but I think I have less tolerance for douche-bags.

Her: We make exceptions. That's just how we are. I know I couldn't put up with a woman.

Me: Yeah, I guess I'm more willing to make exceptions for a certain amount of bitchy-ness. I guess without the biological inclination to be attracted to men it's very hard to imaging making exceptions. I'd have extremely high standards and would drop a guy at the first sign of douche-baggery.


This conversation came about while watching an episode of Tila Tequila. My girlfriend likes the show and I hadn't seen it before. It's basically bisexual "The Bachelor" for those who don't know.

On this particular episode Tila was down to 4 people, 2 guys and 2 girls, and she had to let one go. In an unprecedented television feat she kept the 3 nice people and dropped the douche-bag.

This guy was livid. He knocked stuff over, flicked everyone off, and stormed out. In the clips earlier in the show he kept saying how much he loved her, but in every shot of him looking at Tila you'd see his eyes scan her up and down checking her out. He constantly had the look of a hungry shark and not once showed any form of kindness or consideration for her. He was out to get laid, and when that door closed his true colors came flying out like a 3 year old temper tantrum.

Of course this is an extreme example, but there is a part of this douche-bag in every man. The true mark of the gentleman is the ability to tame this, to think with the head on top of your shoulders, and to understand that loving someone is first a selfless act, and only secondarily are there any sort of rewards.

And on another note, make sure to act your age. People who hang out with 3 year olds are called parents or baby-sitters.

-J. Eliot

me me me me me me me

Gas now costs an arm and a leg, literally.

Filling up the car this morning I just happened to notice that gas prices have increased. I guess they're now accepting body parts?

-J. Eliot

A small mistake

I recently made a remark to my wonderful girlfriend that reminded her of the other girls in my life before her... and reminded me that I still have a long way to go.

Your lady needs only to know that regardless of the past, she is the only woman in your world that matters, and I broke that rule.

It was a small mistake, but I hope that she realizes the place she holds in my heart and that she alone moves me.

-J. Eliot

still learning

The "Last Gentleman in the World"

Sorry for my recent absence. Life gets busy, work requires travel, and I don't have the time I usually do to think and post, but with travel comes new experiences and new stories.

So I was on a bus the other day taking me from the airport to the car rental building. It was a cold day and people were cramming into the bus, taking whatever standing room there was left to get where they were going and get out of the cold.

There was an older Gentleman sitting near where I was standing and a number of other people, mostly woman, holding the hand rails and waiting for the bus to depart.

The thought occurred to me that none of the men had offered to stand and let any of the women sit down, and there were a number of older women on the bus who looked as if they could have used a seat rather than having to support themselves with a handrail on a moving vehicle.

Just then the old man stood up and offered another older woman his seat. She graciously accepted. Another woman who was standing beside her remarked to the man that he must be the "last Gentleman in the World."

Why is this so rare? Was it the woman's liberation movement? Are men no longer taught to care about others? Is it a population thing? Are we becoming more and more numb to the number of unknown people who cross our paths daily?

Its the little things that make someone stand out and kindness should never go out of style.

-J. Eliot

traveler

How to get the Ladies

You just need a little practice and some natural ability.



Everyone woman loves a musician.

Fulfill Their Fantasies!

I came across this great article about what really turns women on... Helping out with the housework, of all things.

Pictures Needed

So I've noticed on the tracking program that we're starting to gather a number of regular visitors to the site.

I really appreciate you coming to read what I take time to write. Feel free to comment back, to confirm that you agree with what I'm writing, or even to respectfully debate an issue. If there's a topic you'd like discuss you can write me directly at n3cessary@gmail.com or in the comments.

I wanted to throw this out there to see what help I could get. I'm looking to gather some pictures of what to, and what not to, wear. Send in pictures of men you see on the street or find online. You can attach them to the comments or to my email, either way is fine.

When I get enough good examples (and go for the extremes!) I'll post them up and we'll have a discussion about what works and what doesn't in men's fashion.

Thanks for the help!

-J. Eliot

sometimes the clothes do make the man

Beauty and The Beast Syndrome (Or why she likes you even if you're not as hot as she is)

In my previous Dating on Your Level article I mentioned that when it comes to physical attractiveness men can get away with dating slightly uphill.

What does this mean? Well, it's a very fortunately thing indeed, Gentlemen. This means that if you're an 8 physically, you might very well be able to have a solid relationship with a 9 or even a 10, but this depends on a few details.

First, are you secure enough with yourself emotionally to handle the fact that there definitely are hotter guys out there who will be hitting on your (current or future) Lady? Can you handle this?

Second, you must have some sort of other redeeming traits. Let me explain.

Lesson 101 on the psychology of women: Unless the guy is a 10, when a woman first meets a guy he's automatically a 5 or a 1. It doesn't matter if you're a solid 9, you'll be dropped to a 5 by default. If you're a 2 or 3 it's even worse... chances are in her eyes you're a 1. Here's the good news though. According to the bell curve most of us will automatically be seen as a five simply due to statistical probability.

So lets assume you're on your path to becoming a polished Gentleman. You work out, eat well, dress nice. You've raised yourself to an 8 and you're proud of it. So, in your confidence, you walk up to a very attractive woman and say hello. She gives you a the cordial smile, but you can see it in her eyes. The number five is reflecting right back at you. So you feel a little discouraged.

Why is this, you ask? Simply put, she doesn't know you yet. She's an attractive woman. She's guarded and will automatically not give you the benefit of the doubt. In her mind you might be an alright looking guy, but you're probably just trying to get her into bed.

Here's you're chance to shine. Remember, you must have some sort of redeeming traits, and you do. You've been working on your social skills, your sense of humor, your ability to dance... maybe all three. So you take your time and have a conversation. You allow her to realize that you're not a wolf on the prowl, but a respectable and interesting person. The more she gets to know YOU, honestly and authentically, the more she starts to notice that maybe you're not really a 5 at all... yes... you're definitely an 8.

You're doing better... but don't rush it... she might really like you right away because of some sort of connection you made while talking the first time and you're all of a sudden up to a 10 in her eyes... but chances are it could take a few days or weeks of being friends for her to really take a liking to you. And when she does you'll have changed your 5 into a 10.

A woman's opinion of how physically attractive a man is is highly highly dependent on how much she likes him. So give her a chance to get to know you.

-J. Eliot

numbers, numbers, numbers

Cuddling

What's wrong with men?

It recently came to my attention that my girlfriend REALLY REALLY appreciates the simple fact that while watching a moving or laying in bed I will cuddle her. Yes, cuddle.

So I asked why she was so appreciative. Yes, most girls like to cuddle and be close, but according to her she's never really had a boyfriend who will hold her close the way I do.

I just don't understand this. Sure, some guys don't really like cuddling. I guess they feel it just isn't manly. But come on, do you really care about her? Do you enjoy giving her what she wants and making her happy? It's such a simple thing to do and heck, it could always lead to more than cuddling because she feels loved and secure.

Here's a little article I found on how to cuddle. Now you have no excuses. =)

-J. Eliot

dammit, treat your woman good

Dating on your level

Everyone wants a ten, right? Every guy is looking to attract the eye of the hottest girl in the room.

You know how it is. All of us take a look around and find that girl who's just a step below super-model and at some point in the night we make our move. There are all sorts of pick-up styles, and no doubt you have yours, but did you ever happen to consider how many times THAT girl gets hit on in a night? Maybe you have, but you live by the "better to try and fail than never know" policy. And you could be right... there's always a chance, right? You might end up with that super-hottie!

Here's the thing though - if you're looking for a long term relationship it's probably best not to hit on that cute ten minding her business in the corner.

Why, you scream. A long term relationship with a super hot girl sounds great!

Yes, it does, but only if you are at or near her level. Let me explain.

First you must determine your own "level" in several areas - intellectually, emotionally, and physically are a good start. Let's use a 10 point scale while we're at it.

So we've got Jimmy Hottiewanter here. Jimmy is a regular guy. He played football in high school but is slightly out of shape since then. He's been through a few major life issues and can take care of himself, he also holds down a regular job. Let's say he's straight 6's. 6I, 6E, and 6P.

Jimmy meets Lea Dumbblonder at a bar. She's clearly a 2I, 6E, 9P. Chances are they're not good for much more than a one night hook-up. Jimmy is clearly smarter and will probably look down on her for her nearly retarded comments and she's so much more attractive than Jimmy that he will forever feel intimidated by better looking guys.

This leads to a major imbalance in the relationship where he's never quite secure and starts acting it out subconsciously, probably by making fun of her intelligence. This relationship is highly unlikely to work out.

If you really look around at solid happily married couples, they are usually at or about the same level. This is for good reason too. In order to have balance in the relationship both parties need to be equally attracted to each other, have a balanced emotional relationship, and generally be able to stimulate (or not stimulate) each other mentally.

So be honest with yourself and don't give yourself a 9 if you know deep down you're a 7.

So who should Jimmy Hottiewanter be looking for? It's best not to stray too far physically. Jimmie is a 6, so he could probably be okay with a 6 to a 7 (and yes, a female 7P isn't too far for a male 6P because of something I call the "Beauty and the Best Syndrome." More on that later.)

Emotionally, relationships seem to work best when the male is equal to or above the female. So Jimmy, being a 6E, should look for a girl around a 5E to 6E.

Intelligence is a little different and really depends on the individuals. If there's a solid connection between physical and emotional compatibilities, intelligence can be further apart and the relationship should still be ok. So Jimmy could date any mid-range intelligence girl, probably 4-7. Again, because of the male/female dynamic though, Jimmy being the average guy will still probably be more comfortable with a girl equal to or lesser intellectually.

So give you (and your significant other/potential significant other) some scores and see where you fall. Do you have issues because of this imbalance?

The next time you're out meeting girls, maybe you should be honest with yourself and pay more attention to the ones you normally pass over but are actually on your level physically. Chances are you have better luck and might meet someone worth keeping around.

-J. Eliot

you might be surprised...

The Science of Orgasm

The oh-oh-OH-so mysterious world of the orgasm is hard to explain scientifically.

"The intensity builds to a crescendo, and just like a long-awaited sneeze, tension is released in an explosive rush. The heart rate doubles. In women, the uterus contracts rhythmically; in men, sperm-carrying semen is propelled out of the body.

And somehow, by mechanisms not yet understood, the brain perceives all this activity as a darn good feeling."

An interesting read.

-J. Eliot

oh, oh, oh

Valentine's Day Sins

The big day is right around the corner. Are you guys prepared? Here's a good list of things not to do!

Five atypical rules for a first date

There are so many advice columns out there, but lets play with this a little bit and talk about some things you can do on a first date beyond just the regular advice.

1) Get her opinion, but keep her guessing.


A girl needs to know a little bit about what she's getting herself into, and it benefits you to know a little bit about what she's into. So ask. Find out if there's something specific she likes to eat or a certain type of place she likes to go. Don't come at it with open ended questions though. Don't say, "What do you like to eat?" Say, "Do you like Sushi?" Or "Do you prefer playing pool at a bar or watching a show?" She let you know how she feels.

Once you have a few ideas of what she's into come up with the rest of the date but don't fill her in on the details. This adds a little surprise while making her comfortable and looking forward to something she knows she'll already like.

2) Include something in the date she's never done before.

This is important because it shows that being with you will be exciting and new.

Take her some place you know she's never been, and don't just let it be the bar closer to your house. Take her somewhere interesting AND romantic and be creative. Go out on a lake with drinks in a canoe, get on top of a roof and look at the stars, or find a perfect and new place that you can revisit later and make it your own.

Take the opportunity to introduce her to new things as well. Order a glass of wine she's never tasted but you know is excellent or play her some first date appropriate music in your car and tell her something interesting about the band. Give her a hint at the other facets of your life and knowledge.

3) Why drop names when you could introduce her personally?

This is assuming that you've already worked into your life some interesting connections in some sort of scene before going on this date. In one of my previous articles I wrote about improving yourself by getting out and doing fun things. If you've done this enough you now know a few interesting and semi-famous people.

So lets say you're up on the local music scene. While at the show introduce her to the band. Maybe you both love to golf and you're personal friends with the course pro. Introduce her and maybe even sign her up for lessons. Think about your social circles and you're bound to come up with some cool people. You'll appear cool by proxy (regardless of any lack in your own talents.)

4) Play it cool.

Don't be THAT guy. You know who I'm talking about. The one that comes on too strong and appears desperate. He clings to her every word and is obviously way more into her than she's into him.

Stay a bit aloof. Be charming, romantic, and complimentary, but don't emote all over her. Show her that she's important, but not the most important thing in your life. A guy who attaches too quickly looks like he doesn't have enough other things going on. And if ever you want another date it isn't a bad thing for her to think that you're a hot commodity and that she might have some competition. Women find men attractive because other women like them.

5) Don't kiss until the end of the date.

This is another "What?" recommendation, but go with me here.

First, this is your first date. It's not about getting all hot and heavy and looking like you're only interested in her sexually. This should be the date where you figure out how much you enjoy simply spending time together doing fun things. Hold hands, walk arm in arm, and stare into each other's eyes over the dinner table (and don't be that couple that sits side by side in the booth!) Most of all, let her wonder if kissing will happen.

Second, girls like kissing. They can tell a lot about a guy by his kiss, so save it for last. You will know when the time is right and by then she'll be wondering why you haven't tried for a kiss yet and, assuming the date went well, she'll be hoping for one. She'll give you signals, she'll start pulling you closer and lingering in your eyes. This also lessens the threat of having the kiss rejected.

And don't worry, if you've proven yourself the true Gentleman there will be another date, and time for more kisses (and more...), should you want it.

-J. Eliot

striving to be different