Thursday, February 14, 2008

Dating on your level

Everyone wants a ten, right? Every guy is looking to attract the eye of the hottest girl in the room.

You know how it is. All of us take a look around and find that girl who's just a step below super-model and at some point in the night we make our move. There are all sorts of pick-up styles, and no doubt you have yours, but did you ever happen to consider how many times THAT girl gets hit on in a night? Maybe you have, but you live by the "better to try and fail than never know" policy. And you could be right... there's always a chance, right? You might end up with that super-hottie!

Here's the thing though - if you're looking for a long term relationship it's probably best not to hit on that cute ten minding her business in the corner.

Why, you scream. A long term relationship with a super hot girl sounds great!

Yes, it does, but only if you are at or near her level. Let me explain.

First you must determine your own "level" in several areas - intellectually, emotionally, and physically are a good start. Let's use a 10 point scale while we're at it.

So we've got Jimmy Hottiewanter here. Jimmy is a regular guy. He played football in high school but is slightly out of shape since then. He's been through a few major life issues and can take care of himself, he also holds down a regular job. Let's say he's straight 6's. 6I, 6E, and 6P.

Jimmy meets Lea Dumbblonder at a bar. She's clearly a 2I, 6E, 9P. Chances are they're not good for much more than a one night hook-up. Jimmy is clearly smarter and will probably look down on her for her nearly retarded comments and she's so much more attractive than Jimmy that he will forever feel intimidated by better looking guys.

This leads to a major imbalance in the relationship where he's never quite secure and starts acting it out subconsciously, probably by making fun of her intelligence. This relationship is highly unlikely to work out.

If you really look around at solid happily married couples, they are usually at or about the same level. This is for good reason too. In order to have balance in the relationship both parties need to be equally attracted to each other, have a balanced emotional relationship, and generally be able to stimulate (or not stimulate) each other mentally.

So be honest with yourself and don't give yourself a 9 if you know deep down you're a 7.

So who should Jimmy Hottiewanter be looking for? It's best not to stray too far physically. Jimmie is a 6, so he could probably be okay with a 6 to a 7 (and yes, a female 7P isn't too far for a male 6P because of something I call the "Beauty and the Best Syndrome." More on that later.)

Emotionally, relationships seem to work best when the male is equal to or above the female. So Jimmy, being a 6E, should look for a girl around a 5E to 6E.

Intelligence is a little different and really depends on the individuals. If there's a solid connection between physical and emotional compatibilities, intelligence can be further apart and the relationship should still be ok. So Jimmy could date any mid-range intelligence girl, probably 4-7. Again, because of the male/female dynamic though, Jimmy being the average guy will still probably be more comfortable with a girl equal to or lesser intellectually.

So give you (and your significant other/potential significant other) some scores and see where you fall. Do you have issues because of this imbalance?

The next time you're out meeting girls, maybe you should be honest with yourself and pay more attention to the ones you normally pass over but are actually on your level physically. Chances are you have better luck and might meet someone worth keeping around.

-J. Eliot

you might be surprised...

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