How to get the Ladies

You just need a little practice and some natural ability.



Everyone woman loves a musician.

Fulfill Their Fantasies!

I came across this great article about what really turns women on... Helping out with the housework, of all things.

Pictures Needed

So I've noticed on the tracking program that we're starting to gather a number of regular visitors to the site.

I really appreciate you coming to read what I take time to write. Feel free to comment back, to confirm that you agree with what I'm writing, or even to respectfully debate an issue. If there's a topic you'd like discuss you can write me directly at n3cessary@gmail.com or in the comments.

I wanted to throw this out there to see what help I could get. I'm looking to gather some pictures of what to, and what not to, wear. Send in pictures of men you see on the street or find online. You can attach them to the comments or to my email, either way is fine.

When I get enough good examples (and go for the extremes!) I'll post them up and we'll have a discussion about what works and what doesn't in men's fashion.

Thanks for the help!

-J. Eliot

sometimes the clothes do make the man

Beauty and The Beast Syndrome (Or why she likes you even if you're not as hot as she is)

In my previous Dating on Your Level article I mentioned that when it comes to physical attractiveness men can get away with dating slightly uphill.

What does this mean? Well, it's a very fortunately thing indeed, Gentlemen. This means that if you're an 8 physically, you might very well be able to have a solid relationship with a 9 or even a 10, but this depends on a few details.

First, are you secure enough with yourself emotionally to handle the fact that there definitely are hotter guys out there who will be hitting on your (current or future) Lady? Can you handle this?

Second, you must have some sort of other redeeming traits. Let me explain.

Lesson 101 on the psychology of women: Unless the guy is a 10, when a woman first meets a guy he's automatically a 5 or a 1. It doesn't matter if you're a solid 9, you'll be dropped to a 5 by default. If you're a 2 or 3 it's even worse... chances are in her eyes you're a 1. Here's the good news though. According to the bell curve most of us will automatically be seen as a five simply due to statistical probability.

So lets assume you're on your path to becoming a polished Gentleman. You work out, eat well, dress nice. You've raised yourself to an 8 and you're proud of it. So, in your confidence, you walk up to a very attractive woman and say hello. She gives you a the cordial smile, but you can see it in her eyes. The number five is reflecting right back at you. So you feel a little discouraged.

Why is this, you ask? Simply put, she doesn't know you yet. She's an attractive woman. She's guarded and will automatically not give you the benefit of the doubt. In her mind you might be an alright looking guy, but you're probably just trying to get her into bed.

Here's you're chance to shine. Remember, you must have some sort of redeeming traits, and you do. You've been working on your social skills, your sense of humor, your ability to dance... maybe all three. So you take your time and have a conversation. You allow her to realize that you're not a wolf on the prowl, but a respectable and interesting person. The more she gets to know YOU, honestly and authentically, the more she starts to notice that maybe you're not really a 5 at all... yes... you're definitely an 8.

You're doing better... but don't rush it... she might really like you right away because of some sort of connection you made while talking the first time and you're all of a sudden up to a 10 in her eyes... but chances are it could take a few days or weeks of being friends for her to really take a liking to you. And when she does you'll have changed your 5 into a 10.

A woman's opinion of how physically attractive a man is is highly highly dependent on how much she likes him. So give her a chance to get to know you.

-J. Eliot

numbers, numbers, numbers

Cuddling

What's wrong with men?

It recently came to my attention that my girlfriend REALLY REALLY appreciates the simple fact that while watching a moving or laying in bed I will cuddle her. Yes, cuddle.

So I asked why she was so appreciative. Yes, most girls like to cuddle and be close, but according to her she's never really had a boyfriend who will hold her close the way I do.

I just don't understand this. Sure, some guys don't really like cuddling. I guess they feel it just isn't manly. But come on, do you really care about her? Do you enjoy giving her what she wants and making her happy? It's such a simple thing to do and heck, it could always lead to more than cuddling because she feels loved and secure.

Here's a little article I found on how to cuddle. Now you have no excuses. =)

-J. Eliot

dammit, treat your woman good

Dating on your level

Everyone wants a ten, right? Every guy is looking to attract the eye of the hottest girl in the room.

You know how it is. All of us take a look around and find that girl who's just a step below super-model and at some point in the night we make our move. There are all sorts of pick-up styles, and no doubt you have yours, but did you ever happen to consider how many times THAT girl gets hit on in a night? Maybe you have, but you live by the "better to try and fail than never know" policy. And you could be right... there's always a chance, right? You might end up with that super-hottie!

Here's the thing though - if you're looking for a long term relationship it's probably best not to hit on that cute ten minding her business in the corner.

Why, you scream. A long term relationship with a super hot girl sounds great!

Yes, it does, but only if you are at or near her level. Let me explain.

First you must determine your own "level" in several areas - intellectually, emotionally, and physically are a good start. Let's use a 10 point scale while we're at it.

So we've got Jimmy Hottiewanter here. Jimmy is a regular guy. He played football in high school but is slightly out of shape since then. He's been through a few major life issues and can take care of himself, he also holds down a regular job. Let's say he's straight 6's. 6I, 6E, and 6P.

Jimmy meets Lea Dumbblonder at a bar. She's clearly a 2I, 6E, 9P. Chances are they're not good for much more than a one night hook-up. Jimmy is clearly smarter and will probably look down on her for her nearly retarded comments and she's so much more attractive than Jimmy that he will forever feel intimidated by better looking guys.

This leads to a major imbalance in the relationship where he's never quite secure and starts acting it out subconsciously, probably by making fun of her intelligence. This relationship is highly unlikely to work out.

If you really look around at solid happily married couples, they are usually at or about the same level. This is for good reason too. In order to have balance in the relationship both parties need to be equally attracted to each other, have a balanced emotional relationship, and generally be able to stimulate (or not stimulate) each other mentally.

So be honest with yourself and don't give yourself a 9 if you know deep down you're a 7.

So who should Jimmy Hottiewanter be looking for? It's best not to stray too far physically. Jimmie is a 6, so he could probably be okay with a 6 to a 7 (and yes, a female 7P isn't too far for a male 6P because of something I call the "Beauty and the Best Syndrome." More on that later.)

Emotionally, relationships seem to work best when the male is equal to or above the female. So Jimmy, being a 6E, should look for a girl around a 5E to 6E.

Intelligence is a little different and really depends on the individuals. If there's a solid connection between physical and emotional compatibilities, intelligence can be further apart and the relationship should still be ok. So Jimmy could date any mid-range intelligence girl, probably 4-7. Again, because of the male/female dynamic though, Jimmy being the average guy will still probably be more comfortable with a girl equal to or lesser intellectually.

So give you (and your significant other/potential significant other) some scores and see where you fall. Do you have issues because of this imbalance?

The next time you're out meeting girls, maybe you should be honest with yourself and pay more attention to the ones you normally pass over but are actually on your level physically. Chances are you have better luck and might meet someone worth keeping around.

-J. Eliot

you might be surprised...

The Science of Orgasm

The oh-oh-OH-so mysterious world of the orgasm is hard to explain scientifically.

"The intensity builds to a crescendo, and just like a long-awaited sneeze, tension is released in an explosive rush. The heart rate doubles. In women, the uterus contracts rhythmically; in men, sperm-carrying semen is propelled out of the body.

And somehow, by mechanisms not yet understood, the brain perceives all this activity as a darn good feeling."

An interesting read.

-J. Eliot

oh, oh, oh

Valentine's Day Sins

The big day is right around the corner. Are you guys prepared? Here's a good list of things not to do!

Five atypical rules for a first date

There are so many advice columns out there, but lets play with this a little bit and talk about some things you can do on a first date beyond just the regular advice.

1) Get her opinion, but keep her guessing.


A girl needs to know a little bit about what she's getting herself into, and it benefits you to know a little bit about what she's into. So ask. Find out if there's something specific she likes to eat or a certain type of place she likes to go. Don't come at it with open ended questions though. Don't say, "What do you like to eat?" Say, "Do you like Sushi?" Or "Do you prefer playing pool at a bar or watching a show?" She let you know how she feels.

Once you have a few ideas of what she's into come up with the rest of the date but don't fill her in on the details. This adds a little surprise while making her comfortable and looking forward to something she knows she'll already like.

2) Include something in the date she's never done before.

This is important because it shows that being with you will be exciting and new.

Take her some place you know she's never been, and don't just let it be the bar closer to your house. Take her somewhere interesting AND romantic and be creative. Go out on a lake with drinks in a canoe, get on top of a roof and look at the stars, or find a perfect and new place that you can revisit later and make it your own.

Take the opportunity to introduce her to new things as well. Order a glass of wine she's never tasted but you know is excellent or play her some first date appropriate music in your car and tell her something interesting about the band. Give her a hint at the other facets of your life and knowledge.

3) Why drop names when you could introduce her personally?

This is assuming that you've already worked into your life some interesting connections in some sort of scene before going on this date. In one of my previous articles I wrote about improving yourself by getting out and doing fun things. If you've done this enough you now know a few interesting and semi-famous people.

So lets say you're up on the local music scene. While at the show introduce her to the band. Maybe you both love to golf and you're personal friends with the course pro. Introduce her and maybe even sign her up for lessons. Think about your social circles and you're bound to come up with some cool people. You'll appear cool by proxy (regardless of any lack in your own talents.)

4) Play it cool.

Don't be THAT guy. You know who I'm talking about. The one that comes on too strong and appears desperate. He clings to her every word and is obviously way more into her than she's into him.

Stay a bit aloof. Be charming, romantic, and complimentary, but don't emote all over her. Show her that she's important, but not the most important thing in your life. A guy who attaches too quickly looks like he doesn't have enough other things going on. And if ever you want another date it isn't a bad thing for her to think that you're a hot commodity and that she might have some competition. Women find men attractive because other women like them.

5) Don't kiss until the end of the date.

This is another "What?" recommendation, but go with me here.

First, this is your first date. It's not about getting all hot and heavy and looking like you're only interested in her sexually. This should be the date where you figure out how much you enjoy simply spending time together doing fun things. Hold hands, walk arm in arm, and stare into each other's eyes over the dinner table (and don't be that couple that sits side by side in the booth!) Most of all, let her wonder if kissing will happen.

Second, girls like kissing. They can tell a lot about a guy by his kiss, so save it for last. You will know when the time is right and by then she'll be wondering why you haven't tried for a kiss yet and, assuming the date went well, she'll be hoping for one. She'll give you signals, she'll start pulling you closer and lingering in your eyes. This also lessens the threat of having the kiss rejected.

And don't worry, if you've proven yourself the true Gentleman there will be another date, and time for more kisses (and more...), should you want it.

-J. Eliot

striving to be different

Sex!

Details on how to balance sex and marriage.

Good stuff.

-J. Eliot

is giving sexy back

A solid list of Rules for what to (and not to) do as a Gentleman

Why write something new when you can just link to someone else?

This list is pretty solid and has some good advice on the ways of the Gentleman. Read it, ingest it, absorb it, live into it. Enjoy.

-J. Eliot

little things add up

It was like watching the Animal Channel...

I gave into the dark side.

I normally try to get out of the office for a quick, cheap, and relatively healthy lunch, but today I just didn't have the internal fortitude to eat my usual 6" turkey sub and diet coke. I found myself turning into the parking lot of a burger chain that I will not name, though you should know it from it's creepy plastic faced, crown wearing mascot.

I happened into the restaurant right at the peek of lunch. I noticed, as the line wound back to the ends of the short wooden barricades, that there was an overabundance of middle-aged males. A variety of men (scruffy blue-collar types, polo wearing desk-jockeys - all at least slightly overweight and homely) waited almost silently in line to order or pick up their food with the one exception of a 20-something brunette in jeans and a tank top.

She wasn't a particularly attractive girl but she was tall and the correct weight, and stood in stark contrast to the unattractive testosterone crowd. And testosterone is right.

As I waited, I noticed how one after the other almost every man in the room would take an extended glance up and down this poor lonely girl's body. At first it was just the graying, long-haired, mustache wearing trucker a few people ahead of her. And then it was the guy at the register who looked like Dwight from the Office. The wait was long enough that pretty much every guy in the room checked out this girl at least once.

She seemed oblivious though. Was she uncomfortable? Did she really not notice? Did these men seriously not realize that they were all doing the same thing? Why was she there alone in the first place?

I felt as if I had walked into the middle of a college Sociology experiment. And then, as I thought about it, it felt more like watching the Animal Channel and a special about what happens when you introduce a female chimp into an all male environment.

I seriously have to wonder if no other man there took an objective view of the situation and decided not to act like every other chimp in the room. It's as if they hadn't seen a semi-attractive woman in weeks.

It is our place as Gentlemen to treat a Lady with respect. Maybe I missed the boat, but what good did it do any of these guys to eye her like she was some sort of object? None took the chance to talk to her, they just gawked and formed rude and selfish mental images in their minds.

It's just a little reminder, but the next time you're out try to take notice of your natural reactions to the women around you. Do you look like one of these chimps? Do you just blend into the crowd of other stupid, desperate, lonely men who'd probably be better off walking on their knuckles, or do you stand up straight with dignity and treat women with respect - even when it comes to the unspoken ways in which we interact?

-J. Eliot

women are people too...

50 easy ways to lose weight!

With so many ways to cut those calories, what's keeping you from that hot body hiding underneath?

Do it for your health and for the Ladies. ;)

-J. Eliot

ex-fatty

Lacking Charisma? Try this!

Charisma helps in almost every situation (and especially with the Ladies... nudge nudge.)

Here's some good advice on the topic.

Enjoy

-J. Eliot

just smile