How To Be A Complete Douchebag in Ten Easy Steps (or how not to be a gentleman)

1) Be Selfish.

2) Treat women like objects.

3) Refuse to smile but laugh way too loud at lewd jokes.

4) Be Selfish.

5) Make sure the hair is always high, the collar always popped, the bling is always plentiful, and the tan always fake.

6) Be uncomfortable with every emotion other than anger and then use it to cover up your insecurities.

7) Be Selfish.

8) Perceive every other male in the room at a threat, and then get in their face.

9) Be extremely homophobic, but spend more time with your boys pumping iron and admiring your male bodies than is natural for any heterosexual male.

10) Be selfish, constantly.

Oh, and bonus: Be selfish.

-J. Eliot

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