While perusing the referrer list from Google.com today I noticed that a number of people were somehow directed to my blog with the search "determining if girl has boyfriend."
My first thought was, "How odd..." Soon followed by, "Actually, that's a good question." And after a little mental juggling and an "ah-ha" moment (not the band...) I decided I simply must post.
It seems to me that there is a simple 2 step checklist, or maybe even a flow chart, if you will, that will guide you to your goal in determining the singular (or dual???) nature of a potential prospect.
Step 1: Determine if she is attractive. Yes, this is an actual step and I'll tell you why. Attractive girls, and I mean truly attractive girls - the ones that catch every guy's eye as they walk into the room - are never, let me repeat, never actually single - ever. So is she really really smoking hot? Yes? Then yes, she is taken. She might not say she is, and could swear up and down that she's not seeing anyone, but that simply isn't true. All this means is, "Well, I know I shouldn't be with (Insert douchebag name here) anymore but I get lonely sometimes..." And you can fill in the rest.
Basically these types of women are either, in Facebook terms, "In a Relationship" or "It's complicated." This isn't necessarily a bad thing because "It's complicated" means there's an opening... there's room for improvement. And if you can stick your foot in the door at just the right time you might get in.
Oh, and don't worry about trying to determine which stage she's in. If she's having relationship issues, you'll know. Girls like this love to talk about why Mr. Douchebag made them unhappy this time and you should be able to pick up on that.
Ok, so what if she's not the really really hot type? What if she's just a regular, yet still attractive girl? Move to Step Two.
Step 2: Determine if she's a good girl or a bad girl. This isn't too difficult either. Either she's overtly sexualizing every attractive (or maybe unattractive) guy around her or she's not. The real trick lies in determining if she's a secret bad girl.
So lets take a step back. You're a gentleman right? That's why you're visiting my blog, I assume. You're not interested in the bad girl. Believe me, that will only end terribly - either by you cheating yourself by loosening your morals, or by forcing a long term relationship where one doesn't belong. So the real question is: Is she a good girl or a bad girl pretending to be a good girl? This we will come back to.
For now, we will assume she's a good girl. In this case she's probably a very nice person and you will want to start up a conversation, which shouldn't be that hard. (If she doesn't meet these basic criteria, back away anway... who wants someone hard to talk to, or unkind anyway?) Within the conversation there are several ways to breach the subject of relationships. Tell a story (not too revealing) about a past ex and see if they reveal anything. Get to know a friend and maybe they'll let you in on the girls status (and if they offer the info for you then you know there is some interest already). Or just come right out and ask.
There's no fowl in just asking (after breaching the conversation barrier and establishing that she feels comfortable), and strangely enough most girls don't put two and two together that the reason you're asking is because you're interested. They begin to suspect it, but will rarely believe it outright. Unless they're afraid of you and then they'll readily jump to this conclusion. But if they like you at all there will be part of them that holds onto doubts in order to keep their hopes from getting too high.
But what about the bad girls that pretend to be good girls? Well that, my friend, is a whole other topic. This might actually be a good thing as long as they're not too bad. A little crazy is fun (and part of the female mystique), but too much crazy is no good.
Maybe we'll touch on this more in the future. Until then, start up some conversations and keep your morals sharp. And as always, questions and comments are welcome.
-J. Eliot
maybe I'm crazy
2 comments:
I think you strike some very fine points with your article. I think something that can be added along the lines of "it's complicated," is that there is likely a large amount of drama or emotional baggage being flung around in the relationship.
Also, in assessing relationship status on facebook, it is helpful to remember that facebook is not the end all of a story. Just because she is listed as dating on facebook, doesn't mean she really is. Apparently there was some trend a few years ago to do this on there. Bewilders me still.
That's a very interesting point, Bela. I've known some people to list their status as a joke, but I was not aware of girls using false listings - although it definitely makes sense.
Might it be that someone "In a Relationship" appears more desirable and girls know this? What do you think?
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