Something more than Sex?

Askmen.com has an article listing the 10 signs you'll get lucky tonight.

I'm a bit torn about this list. None of these signs are a guarantee you'll get lucky, not to mention that she's the type of girl who'd go that far the first night.

It makes more sense to view it as a list of ways to tell she's into you.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. "Assuming she's the type of girl who'd go that far, and that she's exhibiting most of these signs - I'm sure as hell headed back to her place to get some action."

Let's step back though. There are two things to consider.

1) How many other guys (and/or girls) does she do this with?

2) Is there potential for something more than just a one night stand?

Being honest, it's not always easy to think with the brain in your head rather than the one in your pants, but this could be important. Both of these are serious questions because they pertain to your future happiness beyond your present need.

Let's look at #1. Chances are if she's someone you don't know very well (and even if she is) she's done this before. Probably a number of times. Chances also are that if she's older than college age AND she's been with a number of other men she's carrying some sort of STD, even if she doesn't know it yet.

Guess what, Bub. Nothing's 100% safe and that one night of what will probably be mediocre semi-drunken sex probably isn't worth the risk of catching something that will limit your ability to find another willing partner.

#2 - You know how it is. If you nail her tonight you're moving on afterwards. You probably won't stick around to cuddle until morning, you probably won't hang out the next day, and you'll probably (somewhere subconsciously maybe) view her as an object and with a lower respect than you would have otherwise. Even if you get back together you know you're just looking for another night, not something substantial.

If she has the potential to be someone special to you, treat her that way. I'm not saying don't go home with her, but be a gentleman. Don't push the boundaries beyond a certain point the first night. Stay up all night talking too - you'll be surprised how open and intimate conversations can get after staying up all night and how much respect you'll gain for considering her feelings and the longevity of a possible future relationship.

Then let the relationship develop naturally. If she's the right girl you'll get to the sex eventually, and it'll be more than just sex. It will be amazing and more frequent than it would have otherwise because it'll be based on a real openness - a real feeling of comfort and connection.

This might all sound like idiocy. Maybe it's because you're not a real Gentleman yet. Or maybe you haven't experienced anything like this before. Give it a chance and see what I mean.

-J. Eliot