Today my girlfriend commented on a distinction I was previously unaware of - yes, I said it, previously unaware of.
It seems I'm still learning although it is obvious now. There is a keen difference between a woman's opinion of stability, and constancy, in a man.
At first they might seem like the same thing, or connected in a way. And to us men it is hard to view either with a negative connotation, but in the realm of the fairer kind one is a golden ticket while the other can be a deal breaker.
We tend to naturally seek regular patterns in the things we do in order to reduce the amount of decisions and mental work needed in a day. We also tend to shy away from extremes of emotion and therefor make decisions to act as if everything is okay even when it is not. These qualities lead to constancy.
Stability is different. Holding down a good job and taking care of your finances, working toward future goals, and maintaining good health (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual) are aspects of stability.
The stable gentleman when confronted with a tough decision is steady because he is emotionally aware and healthy, not because he is compensating for or downplaying strong emotions - and when it comes to positive emotions, the stable gentleman isn't afraid to let go of constancy in order to act with enthusiasm or excitement.
Constancy isn't always a bad thing, but when it gets in the way of a passionate embrace, or a spur of the moment romantic decision it can ice down a relationship quickly. This even has applications in other realms including business, but I'll let you draw those conclusions.
So in short, seek stability - this is the foundation of the strength she's looking for in her man - and learn to not be so rigid. You might be surprised where you end up.
-J. Eliot
easier said than done
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